Is it time to walk away?

I'm sorry your feeling empty inside & your needs arent being considered or met, I feel you've already answered your question, thats why your here right?

You dont want to spend the rest of your life trying to fill an empty bottomless pit?????? Or policing/parenting your partner, as that is just not working & she will just become more resentful towards you & the cycle will continue with YOU trying to "Make it all better" while she continues burying herself.

Sometimes people dont know HOW to change & WONT listen to helpful suggestions/solutions to the problem because they need to walk through the wreckage of the past history FIRST (w/a professional) inorder to proceed forward & acknowledge that they have a problem. Theres a reason shes doing this to herself & only she can make that step to get to the bottom/address the real issues, you cant do it for her.

I hate to say this but have you ever raised the bottom for her? Ultimatum?

She need to do something she can be proud of herself about without someone proding her to do it. Its gonna take time, its a process, I hope shes willing to try, yet doesnt sound like it.

Stay strong, as much as you can friend.

I know she's making you feel awful and I've been going through a similar situation with my girlfriend of 2 years. I feel that you should live for yourself right now, because the more you beg her and tell her how you feel, the more she'll act in spite. Maybe this is too harsh of a way to go, but give her that space and let her be, go do something for yourself and do what is best for you. Or else you'll forever be living in the shadow of your partner, in which you care for her and do as your told... whilst she goes out and does whatever she likes without any real sense of responsibility towards you. She seems rather distant, so maybe there's a reason for this? Maybe something has happened in her life that you haven't noticed and she's taking it out on you in this way, whether it directly involves you or not. Otherwise, just let her be, because the more you do this, the more you're going to hurt yourself trying to get her back to you. Which will most likely result in her claiming that you're too dependent upon her and that you need to get a life, usually trying to get someone's attention when they don't want to give it just ends badly. Just take a step back for yourself. It hurt me like hell having to do it, and I do love my girlfriend, but I realised that if you love something you should be able to let it go. If she comes back to you and does what you've been wanting, then you know you're meant to be... otherwise, just let her go. Leaving someone you love is always hard, but don't hurt yourself even more by trying to hold together something that is falling apart.

I'm so sorry that all of this is happening to you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, ever. Try get her to open up, because she's acting out and not giving you a real reason. Just be careful not to argue! Take good care of yourself.

I wish you all the best,
Alex

Thank you both for your words. You both said things that really resonated with me. I think the decision has been taken out of my hands now. She left on Friday night, shouting and screaming at me at 3am. telling me I didn't care about anyone but myself and that no one else would put up with me and that also, apparently I am 'using' my struggles with anxiety and panic attacks as 'an excuse'. She came back after work last night because our place is closer than the friend she was staying with. She slept next to me without touching me at all all night. This morning, she woke up and announced that she didn't want to talk until she'd had a shower and some food, despite knowing full well that keeping me in suspense over what was going on is driving me crazy. I made her food while she was in the shower. When she sat down to eat it I just asked if we could be nice to each other instead of being horrible and she kept saying 'I'm not being horrible' and didn't care about the effect of her behaviour even though I was in tears. She got angry and started shouting because she said I was so selfish I wouldn't let her do it her way and wanted to have the conversation all on my own terms.Despite shouting and screaming, she kept insisting she was not angry. Then I started to have a panic attack cos I can't deal with screaming and shouting and drama. She escalated this panic attack. I was asking her to help me catch my breath, help me calm down and she refused, shouting at me to get away from her and fuck off etc and then she stormed out on me again, saying I'd thrown away my opportunity to talk. I'm now left in the flat with all our things, no idea what's going on, nowhere to go, can't afford to pay for this place myself...I'm completely fucked. All my memories of this city are associated with her and I don't know what to do, I don't want to be here anymore, I want to run away and never see anyone again cos now she will tell everyone all about my panic attacks and mental health issues and tell everyone I'm the horrible person she thinks I am and I will really have nothing left here. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to get out of here, I am mortified because after this morning I have neighbours I have never met knocking on my door and feel like everyone is looking at me. I have no one to call, nowhere to go, no way to get all my stuff out of here. I have no family since they are not accepting of my sexuality. I called my friend but he basically told me off, which doesn't help when having a panic attack. Someone, please, help

She's projecting blame onto you, a lot of folks WANT to blame others for what pain/stressful circumstances THEY created that escalated their situation further.

If you have neighbors knocking on your door then try to talk to one of them & see if they'd be willing to assist you in moving/relocating AFTER you get to know them a bit, unless their upset about hearing all the drama playing out UGH. Be willing to embrace any neighbor thats willing to help you calm down & suggest some other options to look into. Have you looked online for people that are looking for a roommate & share expenses w/you? or can you afford to stay where you are while you work some things through/researching alternative living arrangements.

You can't take all this on at once hon, so let her do her own thing (ignore her treatment/stoney silence) while you try to keep or find a roof over your head, thats first & foremost (survival). Don't be cooking/cleaning/doing her laundry or trying to appease this person, you'll just self loathe more & drag out this toxic drama longer. You trying to BEG her to participate/FIX you, will not work, you'll just drive her further away. Hell you couldn't be doing this any worse if you were chasing her with a STICK. You have to take care of you. We are only in control of ourselves & no one else. Sorry to sound harsh honey but you've gotta get a grip. Again start looking online for other options, don't just lay down & cry or be a DOORMAT for anyone, ever, your so much more worthy then that. I'd also call family, regardless of what you think THEY think of your sexual preference.

You couldn't be doing this any worse if you were chasing her with a stick. Well thanks for the 'support'! I guess this was a bad idea.never mind.

I'm not here to tell you what you want to hear, yet maybe give you some insight of whats helping to drive her away, You'll need to approach her & this situation calmly & I did have SOME empathy & did offer suggestions.

If we told everybody WHAT they wanted to hear, the site would be useless

Dear April
The other two people who responded here, and those who sent me private messages, offered me invaluable support and empathy. Thanks to them, I've been able to figure some things out. Thanks to you, I felt like shit and had a panic attack. What you are doing is not offering support, it is kicking a vulnerable person when they're down. I'm sure your life is absolutely perfect and you have never made any mistakes or felt lost and confused - I can't think of any other reason why you would be so sanctimonious and patronising, other than that you are an unfeeling person, devoid of empathy, who confuses preaching with support.
Thanks to you, I am signing off this site. I don't need so called 'support' from people like you. Perhaps you should think about the fact that people obviously end up on this site because they are desperate and comments like yours which are harsh and judgemental only make them feel more hopeless.
Roisin.

That wasn't my intension & I hope you'll reconsider staying. Am glad you received better responses/support that were inspiring/uplifting/motivating, sometimes one has off days too & for that I'm sorry. Thank you for keeping me in check, its necessary & appreciated.

Sincerely.

I just wanted to say, to April, that I thought your advice to RTR was helpful. I think she completely over-reacted, and is more interested in venting about her relationship issues than listening to advice on how to better her situation. How childish, trying to make you feel guilty for giving your honest opinion. This really bothered me. Just thought I'd let you know, and also I really appreciated your response to my post, keep up the good work :)
To RTR, if you are still following this, the definition of a support group is: a group of people, sometimes led by a therapist, who provide each other moral support, information, and ADVICE on problems relating to some shared characteristic or experience.

Arnic, glad you read the replies to RTRs post & I was thinking about discussing immaturity w/RTR but you took care of it, thank you.